"Ha" Chapter Cancelled

The ハ chapter, "Let's Tell The Story" has been cancelled. What is currently on the Flickr site will remain there, however, no further work will be done on it. This is because I came to realize that the voice of the story never considered anyone else to write Featherwing Love. I am a part of that voice.

Featherwing Love is a deeply spiritual experience for me. First, I do hold a religious faith that is actually rather common in the world. My experience in this faith has evolved so to reinforce it's basic points, but it has evolved in a direction very unfamiliar to my "brethren". I hesitate to use the word because I have been shafted by every practitioner of my own faith that I have given an opportunity to [There appeared one exception after posting this], in ways very contrary to how this faith is supposed to be practiced. That is one of the reasons why I don't want to walk out on this blog and say what it is; it has a very bad reputation these days. The other reason why I don't want to say what it is, is because Featherwing Love, what it is, how it is coming to me in lucid waking visions, and how I must explore the world's principles of love to share it. The only brother of my faith that I still trust (the one who has shafted me in the least damaging ways), calls it, "walking on thin ice."

I'm not walking on thin ice...I'm flat on my face on ice too thin to stand up on. I have my wings spread along it to reduce the pressure. On Saturday, 25 April 2009, I fell through. I couldn't find my characters. I couldn't hear the voice of the story. I was devastated. I cried more and louder than I did on 1 February 2003 after learning of the Columbia's destruction (the Space Shuttle that was lost that day, which lead to After Columbia Project.) Those sounds really do not sound human. The next morning I carefully eased myself out of the freezing water at a restaurant in Chinatown called "Happy Valley."

[oops, hit "Publish" early]

I rolled onto my back to dry off, talking to my God and the character Haotoko, Juubi's little sister (I drew this, but I doubt it'll ever be shown.) I talked with her about how I didn't create her, my God did. It surprised her to find out that the wings are real in my world, just not physical. They are almost, but not quite equivalent. Also analogous is the love "flames" in Miki Falls (see Sudden Chill post and http://www.markcrilley.com/).

28 April 2009: I found out while researching human female sexuality (oh, dear...I guess I do have to put "ex" after the letter "s" every now and then after all), something I need to know a lot about in order to write the story. I read about how men see love, and how women hear it. A man goes nuts watching a woman undress, while a woman goes nuts hearing a man's voice whisper sweet nuthin's in her ear. A man will feed his monster Playboy (pretty pictures), while a woman will feed her monster Harlequin Romance (romantic dialogue). And the voice of Featherwing Love somehow combines a blood-curdling scream and a soft whisper in responding, that's why it MUST be a MANGA! I had to get up and take a walk, cry a little. The voice was a union between the screach of my instinct and the whisper of my God...always has been. Realizing this is an extraordinarily humbling and lifting moment.

On why Featherwing Love has to be a manga, rather than any other form of fiction. The two extremes would be video and novel formats. Manga is probably closer to the novel end of that scale, and the highly stylized Featherwing Love just a little closer than "normal" manga. It is intended for both genders. Men are stimulated by pictures, women by dialogue. Featherwing Love is to strike a balance to attract and communicate with both genders, while not offering so much to either as to lead members astray and become a poison for their real relationships. It is also intended to communicate to children, of both genders, with their parents' aid, who are barely old enough to realize that putting "ex" after "s" has something to do with the unique love to be found between a man and a woman. That is a lot of responsibility.

On 25 April, I went to the Calgary Comic and Entertainment Exposition (http://www.calgaryexpo.com/). As good an idea as I thought this was, it was a mistake. I did not know the nature of the FWL voice going into it, and I took the wrong advice, got confused about my drawing quality and where it was coming from. There was one person who did not appreciate the manga style at all, although he didn't come out and say it. Reading between the lines later, it became obvious that he considered manga to be "amateur." The work he was doing was by multiple contributors. He boasted about how the contributors all had put at least four years of academic education into their artwork abilities. He also specifically recommended that I draw from nude models. I'm never going to crack the cover of his book again, not after my experience that evening. On the plus side, I met Hope Larson (http://www.hopelarson.com/), who used the words "underlying structure", rather than "anatomy" when telling me what I needed to know to make my characters look more authentic. That is certainly better, and less toxic, advice than what that other guy was saying. I met a few people who could see past the cruftiness of my current work to realize that for someone who has been doing this for less than three months, it's pretty good.

The impact this experience had on the FWL voice was very similar to the impact of infidelity on a marriage. I'm not talking about a full blown affair, but what would happen if a partner thought of someone else while "doing it" with his or her spouse. It severed the union between myself and God; the FWL voice suddenly went silent. After coming clean, I realized that I have to learn directly into the style of FWL, and that rather than drawing from real life anatomy (which I still have to study to learn the features and positions of those features), I have to draw from geometric analysis, like I did when drawing for After Columbia Project. Hey, geometric analysis can be a spiritually rewarding experience (lol), no really.

Terry, your humble manga-ka